Embracing The Lead


English: A submissive man worshipping a woman'...

English: A submissive man worshipping a woman’s foot. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently re-posted on Worshipping Your Wife

This is all new to me.

I’ve always been a great supervisor; a charismatic follower able to get others to do what leaders want them to do.

In love, I’ve always been the more submissive partner in an otherwise equal relationship. I followed the lead of my lovers, even to the detriment of my own values.

Until recently, I always thought of woman being the leader in a romantic relationship as distant fantasy; something that I would never attain to.

Embracing a female led relationship, in order to save my marriage, has been an interesting experience, thus far.

My Pet was already handling the day to day housework and other tasks often seen as woman’s work, including handling and caring for the pets and the younger members of the family.

In the past (the past refers to my first marriage/past relationships), I embraced my role as the submissive housewife, I found fulfillment in cooking and cleaning for my family, but it was a lot of work doing all of that and working outside of the home.

Until recently, My Pet handled his own finances, until he approached me and offered to hand his earnings over to me. I balked, at first, because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of responsibility, although, in the past, I had managed the household finances, I also had to fight with my partner to keep his spending in check. My Pet assured me that all financial decisions are mine.

The impact of that decision has been amazing. First, in our trust in each other, his trust in my leadership, and obviously, the household finances are much easier to manage, now that I have the complete picture.

Being in control of his free time is new to me, as well. Having My Pet ask me permission to do simple things has actually been our biggest test.

I’m so used to saying, “Yes, why not.” He’s takes for granted that is exactly what I will say. Playing with the word “No,” in order to train him and train myself to use that word, more often, has been difficult. But, it’s been necessary.

One of our biggest issues is that he still thinks and behaves like he believes an Alpha Male should; joking around and not taking my responses, to his behavior, very seriously. We’ve discussed this, several times, since I took the lead.

Becoming more demanding, less apologetic, and less open to hearing excuses has helped me maintain control and it is apparent that he is beginning to respect that more, as time goes on.

Even in the bedroom, he is learning to abdicate his sexuality to me, but only to a point. He was used to having sex, whenever he wanted, however he wanted and he was upset when he realized that my leadership plans meant that he could no longer masturbate or frequent porn sites, like he’d done in the past.

I tried withholding sex, but he was not interested in being fully chaste and I learned, very quickly, that he was losing interest in FLR, all together, because he wasn’t getting his own sexual needs met. As I tried to navigate this particular issue, we continued to have some sexual intercourse, but, eventually, I weaned him to the point where we no longer indulge in anything but sexual play, for my sake, while only allowing him to masturbate, when I am satisfied.

All the same, we are in a much better place than we were several months ago. He listens more now and is more attentive. I am more vocal about what I want and what I need. Every day we work at defining and even redefining what we each expect from our new roles. Even our sex life and our play time is more exciting that it ever was. It’s all kind of like a new game, but we are very serious about the goals we hope to achieve.

I may be new at this, but I know, already, embracing the lead has made me a stronger individual; a stronger woman. This new power I seem to have is starting to go to my head. Embracing the lead, at home, is starting to spill over into the way I behave, at work, as well. I’m more vocal and more proactive than I have ever been and it feels good.

Thus far, It’s certainly been good for my marriage, as well.

 

Yes, Diva!


Obey The Diva

(Reposted for your reading pleasure on Worshipping Your Wife. Thanks, so much, Mark! xoxox)

Diva is always right.

Even when My Pet disagrees.

He does this thing where he scrunches up his face and literally bites his tongue (you can see the tip sticking out of his mouth), when he’s upset.

Some kind of tantrum usually follows, but lately, I’ve had him repeat to me, “Yes, Diva.”

That gets him to stop biting his tongue and then he takes his puppy dog face and does whatever it is that I’ve asked of him.

When I’m wrong or mistaken, but rarely, is when I have him looking for something and it’s not in the place where I insist it should be.

I do apologize if I am mistaken, but I continue to have him look in all the appropriate places, even if he insists that it’s a waste of time.

If My Pet argues, I have him repeat to me, “Yes, Diva,” and he carries on about the task.

Garnering a simple, “Yes, Diva” from him has done more in the past few weeks to diffuse any arguments or disagreements that he may have with me. Obviously, he can’t argue with me when I remind him who’s in the lead around here.

He works part-time, now, for the same business as I do and I am his immediate supervisor. It is quite the turn on to hear him say, “Yes, Diva,” when I tell him to do things, at work. We share that special little glance that most lovers do and with a smile, he goes about his duties, on the job. It’s wicked, but it’s fun, even if the job itself isn’t.

The “good girl” side of me feels bad for him, when he doesn’t like to do what he is told. But, then I remember that I am training both him and myself to give and take orders, without question.

If I begin questioning how he feels and thus questioning myself, then I begin to slide and thus let him slide. We end up back at square one and I have to start all over, again, training him how to be led by me.

These days, I’ve been standing my ground.

My Pet’s been throwing less tantrums, but still biting his tongue.

He still does what I tell him to do, though.

I’ve begun giving him more and more daily tasks. Since he’s not working full-time, he has more time to see to my needs.

I’ve even taken to calling him in the middle of the day, when I’m at work, to tell him exactly how I expect to find things when I get home: A glass of wine and a nightgown on the bed, so that I get can undressed and relax the moment that I walk in the door.

My Pet has to be showered and shaved every day before I get home from work, as well.

His (and my) reward is snuggling up, after he’s done with the dinner dishes.

On our mutual days off, he draws me a nice, hot, bubble bath and then we indulge in a couple of hours of playtime, before dinner.

During playtime, I have him massage and kiss my feet.

When I let him touch me, I guide and command his moves. It’s almost orgasmic to hear him say, “Yes, Diva,” as he goes from one command to the next, trying to please me.

My Pet is still on sexual probation, so it has actually been quite a while since we have had genital to genital intercourse. He gets the scrunchy-face and tongue-biting thing going when I remind him, during playtime, that he is still on lockdown. That’s when I give him new suggestions for how he can put his tongue to better use. His “Yes, Diva,” is a little pathetic, but he gets right to work, as directed.

To his credit, his patience and indulgence of the rules is getting more and more admirable. I am even losing my patience with him less and less. That has led to us talking more openly about sex and our expectations and even his own desires and fantasies. We kiss more and smile more, at each other, than we have in a very long time. We are actually having more fun.

It will certainly be a highlight worth noting and a memorable event that he can carry with him through his next lockdown on the day that I let My Pet off of sexual probation and I can make him scream, “Yes, Diva!” for all the neighbors to hear.

Financial Domination: When Real Life Interferes With The Fantasy


Tea chest

Tea chest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I haven’t blogged much about the financial control aspects of the female-led relationship between My Pet and me.

 

To be sure, we have never had to argue much about finances. Well, except when he was screwing up his own (forgetting about expenses being withdrawn from his personal account), before I took over.

 

Unfortunately, just as he handed over the reins of his checkbook and financial independence, he lost his job.

 

Like a good little Pet, he handed over his severance and I have handled the household and the finances like a pro, ever since.

 

He has managed to get himself a small, part-time job and those checks, as well, get handed to me.

 

We have not had any issues with him mishandling funds and he has not questioned how I manage our money, either.

 

But, now we are dealing with the very real specter of financial insecurity, since he doesn’t bring in nearly as much as he did before. I am, officially, the main breadwinner in our home and my finances are not enough to get us by on their own. He’s got a couple of real job prospects, but in this market, it may be awhile before he lands a decent paying job.

 

Nevertheless, he has not wavered, nor tried to get me to give back what little funds he has left and he’s already set it up so that new monies that come in go straight into my account and in turn, I will continue to make sure that his personal expenses are taken care of while the household expenses are seen to, as well.

 

If only the rest of our female-led marriage were going as smoothly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Inner Bitch: Learning and Adjusting


Damnation Alley (album)

Damnation Alley (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

This blog is a journal of my travel down the path of my own female-led relationship.

 

I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination. Right now, I am still very much a novice, feeling my way around.

 

Thankfully, this is not rocket science, so the learning curve can be steep without me falling all the way off.

 

Since you last heard from me, I have been busy making adjustments to the techniques I use to train and play with My Pet.

 

Having grown up and being well-known as a “good girl” or a “nice girl” making the adjustment to becoming more commanding or being more bitchy has been difficult.

 

They used to call me “Laura Ingalls” in high school, for goodness sakes!

 

I’ve always been kind of kinky and wild in the bedroom and I have never had much trouble telling my lovers just exactly what I wanted in bed.

 

The problem that My Pet and I encountered was that he was getting self-conscious about me giving him so much instruction, in the bedroom. In return, I was letting him off the hook for doing things to me that I enjoyed, because I was getting as tired of giving so much instruction, as he was getting tired of receiving it.

 

I am finding that I am doing the same thing, now, out of the bedroom. Letting him off the hook or giving a light touch of weak discipline when he screws up in our every day life.

 

I won’t say that it’s not warranted, sometimes. He recently lost his job of almost seven years and when he came home, he looked like he had been kicked in the teeth. Then was not the time to bring out my inner bitch and risk demoralizing him more.

 

But, I have noticed that the weakness in myself is letting him off the hook for rules that I have created that he passive-aggressively refuses to abide or does a lackluster job of abiding.

 

He does this puppy dog moan, groan and whine thing that absolutely gets on my nerves, whenever he is trying to get me to change my mind.

 

When I see that, I usually get to feeling sorry for him and whatever rule he has broken or wishes to break is usually excused or thrown out of the window.

 

But, lately, I have noticed that old feeling, that feeling that got us here in the first place, where I am resenting him for making me bow to his wishes, instead of abiding my own.

 

He is using the tried and true male tactics and manipulations that get many men over on their women to give them sex or allow them some privilege that they know their partner wants no part of. And my old self feels sorry for him and to avoid the discomfort of conflict, I give in.

 

Then, recently, I got to reading one of my favorite go-to sites: Worshipping Your Wife and this article: NANCY & DENNIS: TOWARD A LIFELONG FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE: OBEDIENCE, where the author discusses “the four things that bring about a happy female-led marriage”.

 

My Pet and I have a lock on numbers 2, 3, and 4, but he has not mastered number 1. Not even close.

 

Number one, getting his full obedience, requires me putting on the armor of my Inner Bitch and reminding him, who’s boss, and not allowing him to use the puppy dog face/noises to get over because he doesn’t feel like or want to do it.

 

I’m coming to this lifestyle pretty late in the game. I’m almost as old as Madonna! It’s been hard to overcome my former “Little House” ways.

 

I guess, if I’m being truthful, I’ll admit that I have trust issues. That I don’t trust that he won’t up and leave me because he doesn’t like my Inner Bitch as much as I do.

 

On the other hand, I don’t trust that our marriage can last if it’s always going to be him doing the puppy dog nonsense and I’m always giving in to keep the peace, either.

 

I’m researching ways to discipline him, appropriately, that don’t include hitting or other types of corporal punishment.

 

In the meantime, My Pet and I have had a chat where I have told him that I will be expressing myself more assertively and aggressively, from now on, and that I will come off as a bitch, because of it. His puppy dog act won’t fly, anymore. He didn’t seem too pleased about that, but I have reminded him that we are not going back to the way things used to be; I wasn’t pleased about that.

 

Speaking of Madonna, I may have to put on a little role-play to get used to this new expression that I am embracing. Imagine how such a powerful woman gets control of her men. I think I’ll even name my Inner Bitch after her.