Going Public

Image of S/M sexuality

Image of S/M sexuality (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Even though it’s only been about six or eight weeks, My Pet and I are settling into our matriarchy quite nicely.


I believe that a lot of our struggles, in the beginning, had a lot to do with boundaries and insecurities. Although we are still managing those things, we have been traveling a smooth track for quite some time now.


Truthfully, our female led relationship (FLR) is just an extension of the way things were before we had our big blowout. My Pet has been cooking and cleaning and heavy lifting for me almost from day one, when we started dating seriously, more than a year ago. I never asked him to do it, he just did. FLR merely took our existing relationship and defined it more clearly; he is the submissive partner and I am the dominant partner. With the only exception being, in the bedroom, he doesn’t do any more or less than he did before we agreed to give our relationship a label.


There is no more wishy-washiness where he is submissive, in private, but dominant, in public, in front of his friends. He always submits to me, even surreptitiously (where it’s not noticeable to others, but we know that I’m still in charge). I give him hand signals when his alpha-male shtick gets out of hand and he tones his behaviors down when he sees that I am displeased. The next time we go out, together, that particular behavior is gone or toned down to levels that I find less distasteful. When he’s not around me, he’s allowed to be as alpha as he wants to be (I know he shares naked pics of me, that he takes with my direction, with his friends, to prove how virile he is).


Because My Pet has embraced his role, with gusto, and has no shame of it, even around our long-time friends, a lot of people are beginning to notice what our roles are to one another.


For instance, I never carry my own bag, not even a purse, anymore. He carries it for me. Even in the store. Unless it is impossible (for him to manage/carry everything) I never carry anything.


I plan out our meals, but he does all of the cooking and that means that he also is responsible for making the grocery/shopping list and he’s responsible for doing the shopping. I only shop if there is something specific that I need that he seems to be having trouble finding.


A couple of weeks ago, a couple of friends of ours noticed how he was building the shopping list and consulting me on it, asking me if there was anything special he needed to add or consider.


My friend, Anne, exclaimed to her partner, Hank (not their real names), “Look at that Hank! He’s making the grocery list and he’s about to go do the shopping. I’ll bet he does all the cooking, too! Why don’t you ever do that for me, Hank?”


I responded, “Not only that, but when I’m not at work, I don’t lift a finger. He does everything.”


My Pet smiled, proudly and declared, “Yup! She’s the boss.”


Hank just rolled his eyes and looked at My Pet and said, “Don’t give her any ideas, man!”


Anne looked at me and smiled. “You are SO lucky, Diva.”


Yes. Yes, I am,” I replied.


Then, two days later, my close friend, Tina asked me how things were going in our marriage; if things were getting worse or had they gotten better.


I smiled at her, devilishly and proudly admitted that, indeed, “things are going great. They’ve never been better. I’m the boss of him now and he does whatever I tell him to and he does it with a smile on his face. Plus, the sex has never been better. It’s definitely way hotter.”


Tina looked incredulous, like she didn’t believe what I was saying. “Fred and me are equals, I could never see me bossing him around. And, sex is not important to us.” (I let that comment pass, because I know from watching them and from word from other friends that Fred is pretty bossy to her and when they first started dating, she talked about the sex all the time).


“Well, sex is very important to me, whether I am in a relationship or not,” I replied. “Besides, our chosen lifestyle isn’t for everyone, if you want a man to always lead or if your man has problems with his ego, then it won’t work.”


“Plus, it’s not just about the sex. Our entire relationship has gotten better. I am now permitted to say whatever is on my mind and I don’t have to pretend to be coy or tactful. If he’s being a jerk or a douchebag or if he’s doing something that I don’t like, then I can tell him, right away and worry about his feelings, later.”


“If I want something, in or out of the bedroom, I just tell him what I want and he knows that it’s not a hint or a suggestion, it’s a command. He knows that I will be upset if I have to mention it again because he tried to ignore me. Unless we can’t afford it, I get everything I want, when I want it and he doesn’t complain, he just does it.”


“If he does have occasion to complain, we sit and talk about it and if there is a way to resolve it, we do, but otherwise, he’s well aware, no matter what, it’s my way or the highway. He doesn’t want the highway, so he gladly does it my way and we work out the kinks as we go along.”


Tina chimed in, “Fred and I are equals. I would never tell him what to do.”


“Who says that My Pet and I aren’t equals? When it counts, we make a lot of decisions, together, but for the sake of our home, I am the head of the household so the final word is mine and he likes it like that. His biggest concern is making me happy. Everything else is my problem. But, because I am happy, we have few problems. It’s a win-win.”


I haven’t heard from her, in several days, but I’m not looking for my friends’ or families’ approval (my MIL definitely disapproves). Our relationship is working wonderfully for us, and that’s all the matters.








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