Embracing The Lead


English: A submissive man worshipping a woman'...

English: A submissive man worshipping a woman’s foot. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently re-posted on Worshipping Your Wife

This is all new to me.

I’ve always been a great supervisor; a charismatic follower able to get others to do what leaders want them to do.

In love, I’ve always been the more submissive partner in an otherwise equal relationship. I followed the lead of my lovers, even to the detriment of my own values.

Until recently, I always thought of woman being the leader in a romantic relationship as distant fantasy; something that I would never attain to.

Embracing a female led relationship, in order to save my marriage, has been an interesting experience, thus far.

My Pet was already handling the day to day housework and other tasks often seen as woman’s work, including handling and caring for the pets and the younger members of the family.

In the past (the past refers to my first marriage/past relationships), I embraced my role as the submissive housewife, I found fulfillment in cooking and cleaning for my family, but it was a lot of work doing all of that and working outside of the home.

Until recently, My Pet handled his own finances, until he approached me and offered to hand his earnings over to me. I balked, at first, because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of responsibility, although, in the past, I had managed the household finances, I also had to fight with my partner to keep his spending in check. My Pet assured me that all financial decisions are mine.

The impact of that decision has been amazing. First, in our trust in each other, his trust in my leadership, and obviously, the household finances are much easier to manage, now that I have the complete picture.

Being in control of his free time is new to me, as well. Having My Pet ask me permission to do simple things has actually been our biggest test.

I’m so used to saying, “Yes, why not.” He’s takes for granted that is exactly what I will say. Playing with the word “No,” in order to train him and train myself to use that word, more often, has been difficult. But, it’s been necessary.

One of our biggest issues is that he still thinks and behaves like he believes an Alpha Male should; joking around and not taking my responses, to his behavior, very seriously. We’ve discussed this, several times, since I took the lead.

Becoming more demanding, less apologetic, and less open to hearing excuses has helped me maintain control and it is apparent that he is beginning to respect that more, as time goes on.

Even in the bedroom, he is learning to abdicate his sexuality to me, but only to a point. He was used to having sex, whenever he wanted, however he wanted and he was upset when he realized that my leadership plans meant that he could no longer masturbate or frequent porn sites, like he’d done in the past.

I tried withholding sex, but he was not interested in being fully chaste and I learned, very quickly, that he was losing interest in FLR, all together, because he wasn’t getting his own sexual needs met. As I tried to navigate this particular issue, we continued to have some sexual intercourse, but, eventually, I weaned him to the point where we no longer indulge in anything but sexual play, for my sake, while only allowing him to masturbate, when I am satisfied.

All the same, we are in a much better place than we were several months ago. He listens more now and is more attentive. I am more vocal about what I want and what I need. Every day we work at defining and even redefining what we each expect from our new roles. Even our sex life and our play time is more exciting that it ever was. It’s all kind of like a new game, but we are very serious about the goals we hope to achieve.

I may be new at this, but I know, already, embracing the lead has made me a stronger individual; a stronger woman. This new power I seem to have is starting to go to my head. Embracing the lead, at home, is starting to spill over into the way I behave, at work, as well. I’m more vocal and more proactive than I have ever been and it feels good.

Thus far, It’s certainly been good for my marriage, as well.

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4 comments on “Embracing The Lead

  1. I'm Hers says:

    Just found your blog via the WYW blog. I found this sentence – and in particular, the word ‘needs’ interesting, “I tried withholding sex, but he was not interested in being fully chaste and I learned, very quickly, that he was losing interest in FLR, all together, because he wasn’t getting his own sexual needs met.”

    I disagree with your husband. His ‘needs’ are most likely quite different than his ‘wants’ and I think that the word ‘want’ is really what you should have used. Should he agree to trust you and let you truly take control, I am certain that he will find that he will gain, rather than lose by the denial of sexual release that you provide him AS LONG AS you continue to let him know you love him deeply. I will stop back and read more as you continue to write.

    • Dree says:

      I know it has taken me a couple of weeks to reply to this (and your other post), but your comment/input was invaluable. I wrote what I meant, merely using the words that My Pet has used in conveying his feelings to me, but upon reading your comment, I sat down with my partner and we discussed the issue of needing vs wanting, at length and he agreed that he really did NOT need sex, but that he really did want it. We have adjusted the roles, as necessary due to his admission. I’ll get more into it in a future post, but I want you to know that your comment was much appreciated.

  2. Dree says:

    We do not currently go in for any of the more dramatic trappings of a femdom life, so no leather, no whips, no collars, no chains. I am contemplating a leather riding crop for discipline issues, but for now, a flat bamboo stick will suffice.

    There has been a small sense of guilt in bringing out the bamboo, because I have never gone much for using spanking for disciplining the younger family members. But, My Pet reassures me that he knows that I don’t use it in malice and because I use it sparingly, my guilt subsides with each use.

    The Femdom life is far more exciting to me than a vanilla relationship, but it hasn’t come to me as naturally as I would have hoped. But, I’m getting much more used to it, so it’s unlikely that I will be able to go back to a vanilla life without some resentment.

  3. Dree says:

    I have been the submissive on many occasions but have found that in many cases, the men I had partnered with could not be trusted. Granted, this is my personal experience and is only proof that I have not entrusted my sexual spirit and trust to the right men.

    On the other hand, down that I am in the dominant role and loving it, I have no compunction to switch out of the role and give over my sexual pleasure to someone who might foul it up.

    But, if you are very, very well-behaved, I may let you spank me, once in a while.

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