A lot of FLR is about figuring out how to navigate new roles and new rules and adapting to changes that are contrary to the way many of us were brought up.
Like with most anything, how people adapt to change is going to vary from one person to the next. Some people embrace change, with gusto; never looking back. Others fight change, tooth and nail, until they don’t have a choice, as everything else changes around them.
In the comment thread of my last post, Determined, someone commented:
I often read on sites like this one, that dominating women get annoyed
or sometimes amused because submissives get more infantile; is it that
hard to see that submission does partially go with infantility? or what
was the expectation another? what i mean to say is, adult goes with
independent, hence naturally together go their contradictions – you
can’t play adult, but kneel in front of another person and let her do
anything to you
I didn’t really have a lot of time to answer, fully, at the time, but I wanted to take the opportunity, in this post to address what was said, as that comment is what spawned this post.
I tend to be one of those individuals who embrace change, with gusto. Not always, mind you, as not all change is welcome. But, most times and eventually, all the time, I find a way to adapt and live my life as if things have always been this way or that. Although I know, instinctively that not everyone adapts the same way, I still get annoyed if it feels, to me, as if someone is resisting that change.
I guess that I figured that since My Pet and I had already established a basic hierarchy (he was already doing all of the cooking and cleaning), that it would be easier for him to adapt that same hierarchy in the rest of our relationship. I was shocked at the infantility and the resistance to submission, because I assumed that we already had most of the building blocks in place.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was only slightly prepared for My Pet to regress to his 15 year old self when it came to sex; whether or not and when he would be allowed to have any. (That behavior is very nearly absent now, though it does rear its head when we do participate in Play Time, it’s not evident outside of that time, anymore).
I was not prepared for My Pet to resist so fiercely and so much like a 6 year old, when he didn’t think that I was being fair with a command or when I’ve had to say “no”.
But, the above comment flicked the lightbulb on in my head and I realized why the regression (and then somebody else came along in comments and added to my brainstorm).
The infantility is actually a means of submitting. That is to say that if My Pet’s normal reaction, in the past, might have been to raise his voice or storm out of the room, today his sticking out and biting his tongue and stomping off to do what I have commanded is his way of suppressing his natural urge to “be a man”. He behaves childishly because that is the only way he perceives that he can be submissive.
I have felt like he has been behaving childishly, but, I haven’t given him credit for resisting the urge to lord his much large frame against my petite frame. I probably shouldn’t be rewarding him for behaving childishly, but I should probably let him know how appreciative I am that he is getting better (much better) at handling himself in a more calm manner (even if it is a bit immature).
Because I have been annoyed at his apparent resistance to adapting to our FLR, I have not been very good at the after-care, letting him know with a touch or a cuddle or even more soft spoken words, that even though he messed up or even though he’s upset about my rules or commands, that everything is going to be just fine.
I guess, it’s fair to say, that I still have some adapting to do, as well.