Adapting


Just like the seasons, people have the ability...

Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change (Photo credit: symphony of love)

 

A lot of FLR is about figuring out how to navigate new roles and new rules and adapting to changes that are contrary to the way many of us were brought up.

 

Like with most anything, how people adapt to change is going to vary from one person to the next. Some people embrace change, with gusto; never looking back. Others fight change, tooth and nail, until they don’t have a choice, as everything else changes around them.

 

In the comment thread of my last post, Determined, someone commented:

 

I often read on sites like this one, that dominating women get annoyed

or sometimes amused because submissives get more infantile; is it that

hard to see that submission does partially go with infantility? or what

was the expectation another? what i mean to say is, adult goes with

independent, hence naturally together go their contradictions – you

can’t play adult, but kneel in front of another person and let her do

anything to you

 

I didn’t really have a lot of time to answer, fully, at the time, but I wanted to take the opportunity, in this post to address what was said, as that comment is what spawned this post.

 

I tend to be one of those individuals who embrace change, with gusto. Not always, mind you, as not all change is welcome. But,  most times and eventually, all the time, I find a way to adapt and live my life as if things have always been this way or that. Although I know, instinctively that not everyone adapts the same way, I still get annoyed if it feels, to me, as if someone is resisting that change.

 

I guess that I figured that since My Pet and I had already established a basic hierarchy (he was already doing all of the cooking and cleaning), that it would be easier for him to adapt that same hierarchy in the rest of our relationship. I was shocked at the infantility and the resistance to submission, because I assumed that we already had most of the building blocks in place.

 

Boy, was I wrong.

 

I was only slightly prepared for My Pet to regress to his 15 year old self when it came to sex; whether or not and when he would be allowed to have any. (That behavior is very nearly absent now, though it does rear its head when we do participate in Play Time, it’s not evident outside of that time, anymore).

 

I was not prepared for My Pet to resist so fiercely and so much like a 6 year old, when he didn’t think that I was being fair with a command or when I’ve had to say “no”.

 

But, the above comment flicked the lightbulb on in my head and I realized why the regression (and then somebody else came along in comments and added to my brainstorm).

 

The infantility is actually a means of submitting. That is to say that if My Pet’s normal reaction, in the past, might have been to raise his voice or storm out of the room, today his sticking out and biting his tongue and stomping off to do what I have commanded is his way of suppressing his natural urge to “be a man”. He behaves childishly because that is the only way he perceives that he can be submissive.

I have felt like he has been behaving childishly, but, I haven’t given him credit for resisting the urge to lord his much large frame against my petite frame. I probably shouldn’t be rewarding him for behaving childishly, but I should probably let him know how appreciative I am that he is getting better (much better) at handling himself in a more calm manner (even if it is a bit immature).

 

Because I have been annoyed at his apparent resistance to adapting to our FLR, I have not been very good at the after-care, letting him know with a touch or a cuddle or even more soft spoken words, that even though he messed up or even though he’s upset about my rules or commands, that everything is going to be just fine.

 

I guess, it’s fair to say, that I still have some adapting to do, as well.

 

 

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Determined


English: The white-lipped snail (Cepaea horten...

Hello, Friend.

Life is a series of ripple effects. It’s amazing how much individuals can touch our lives, without us having to do a thing in particular.

Life has been somewhat chaotic since my old employer passed away. My schedule has changed dramatically, so my leisure time has been thwarted, much to my chagrin.

And, can we talk about technology. That has been a pain in the ass, too. Upgrading my wi-fi device and then being prompted by multiple sources to change and/or authenticate my passwords, making for more bottlenecks and log-jams in my already busy life. Never mind when the wi-fi connection is slow or just plain dead.

When I want to blog, I never have the time and by the time I find it, my enthusiasm and motivation for writing anything more than one-liners is dulled.

But, there comes a time when determination must overcome adversity and obstacles and today was one of those days where I was, indeed, determined, not to let these annoying work-related or technical obstacles get in my way.

That same determination still thrives in my FLR. And, in fact, things are going quite well.

My Pet still has the occasional tantrum, but they are more like quick flashes of anger that pass almost as quickly as they arrive.

Seriously, when he gets upset, he sticks out his tongue and bites it, crosses his arms (and his legs, if he is sitting), and harumphs, just like a five-year old. I usually have to stifle a laugh, but most often, I speak more sternly and encourage him to “watch his attitude”. He’ll continue to do what it is that I have told him to do or he’ll sit quietly, if I am speaking. But, we have not needed to have any more “heart to heart” talks about his attitude or behaviors.

I do try to compliment My Pet when he does things well. I might even tease him for having his tantrums and thank him for being patient and understanding of my leadership. I still occasionally use Please and Thank You, because that is how I was raised, but I try to give requests more sternly, so that he understands that they are commands and not favors.

Now that he has found a second job (and another income that will be submitted to the household account that only I manage), he will have a little less time to see to my needs, but it seems that he will have a reasonable schedule, that will give me plenty of time to myself, and thus to write and will give him less time, alone, at home, to get into trouble, if he ever has a mind to do so.

I haven’t had to dictate sentences for quite some time. He does what he is told and rarely repeats any infractions after he is corrected.

Our sex life is neither better or worse, but that is because our lives have been so stressed with work and family (children) issues, that sex has not been a priority. He no longer complains about the lack of sexual activity and I only command his attention when I am in the mood, which, these days, is rarely. I still indulge in my bubble baths, at least twice a week, depending on my schedule and he regularly and several times a day indulges me with kisses and kisses my feet, as instructed, whenever he leaves my presence. We cuddle, every single night, so we are still quite intimate; just not sexual.

It seems that we have settled into a comfortable routine that works for us and that’s a good thing. It’s a far cry from the way things were about three or four months ago.

Trust me, you’ll hear from me, again, before the next three or four months pass.