I know it’s been awhile since I graced this blog and it may yet be awhile before I grace this blog, again, but here I am.
I had contemplated a re-vamping of this blog into something more surreal, but there are plenty of other blogs for amusements such as that.
In reality, to the world that watches me, I look like your average, slightly overweight, black woman, in an interracial marital relationship with a white man, whom I love dearly.
We have the proverbial 2.5 kids, pets, and live an average city-based life. We go to our average jobs, performing our average duties and come home to what most people assume is an average life.
But, our Female Led Relationship makes our marriage a little more than average, as we have turned the traditional definition of marriage on its head because our marriage is neither led by HE, nor WE, but my ME.
Having dutifully trained (and continue to do so) my husband, otherwise known as My Pet, I can rely on him to behave in the same way as was (is in some cases) expected of a dutiful wife. My wish is his command.
His money is my money and all household funds are completely under my control. He gets no allowance, except as necessary for household goods. I am free to spend household funds as I desire.
He does all the cooking and meal-planning (with my assistance and training, as needed, as I having been a housewife, in a former patriarchal marriage). I have not lifted a finger, inside our home, to do anything that requires manual labor, for a number of years. When I am not at home, I often call on him to help me with manual labor at our mutual place of business, unless he is unavailable to me.
He is far from the perfect Pet, as he is at times, forgetful and other times, careless and clumsy. His work is not always up to my personal standards (even those adjusted to account for his skill set). But, although he may mumble under his breath about my never being happy with what he does, I have no problem getting him to improve his work, when instructed to do so.
Because of our tremendously busy schedules, we have sex at, what is considered by many, less than average. We work three jobs between us, have children to attend to, and I am furthering my education, so we spend a lot more time talking, than we do sexing. When we do have sex, it is a wonderful experience, now that we have found the proper tools (toys and extensions) to make it so. I am not a fan of the “quickie” (the reason we don’t have sex whenever we are available), so we typically only have sex when there is nothing else going on in either of our worlds, so that we can avoid distractions and enjoy ourselves uninterrupted (most particularly, when our children are away with other family or other pursuits).
Thinking about it, as I often do, the one thing that I most enjoy about FLR is the fact that I am no longer bound to societal norms about when and how often to have sex with spouse. I no longer feel guilty about not having sex, just because he desires it. I no longer feel obligated to consent to sex, just because we are married. Because I am in the lead, sex happens when I want it and on my terms. I am no longer obligated to perform any sexual acts out of guilt or necessity to “keep my man happy”. As far as I can tell, since we don’t have sex very often, My Pet is “happy” whenever I inform him that we will have some form of sexual activity in the near future, even when he knows that he may be forced to “go without”.
I finally have power that was lacking in all of my former relationships, where I felt forced to perform in bed, regardless of how I was feeling, just to appease my male sexual companions, in order to keep them in my life and my bed.
I currently use my new-found powers to get breakfast in bed, every morning and all of my other meals prepared every day. Constant hand-holding and kissing whenever My Pet comes and goes from my sight, whether in private or in public. A clean house, that I have not had to lift a finger to scrub or tidy (with the exception of my own little space), that allows me to focus my time on blogging and pursuing my education. Monies to pamper myself, as I see fit. My wishes are his command.
My Pet and I have discussed, and I have considered, meeting with other men to meet my intellectual and sexual needs, but I have no desire to switch back to the role of a submissive female, or dabbling in any kind of traditional male/female relationship. I am too spoiled, these days, to desire anything less than any man that I should get involved with would also wish to be submissive to me. I guess you could say that my new-found power has corrupted me.
I’m happy with this new power, this new life. There is still so much to learn. What works for us, today, may not work tomorrow and so I continue to explore and educate myself about all the different FLR dynamics there are, including the fetishized ones (if only for the fun and fantasy of it).
Another thing that I love about FLR is that I can be as kinky as I want to be, despite my seemingly average life and this is probably a good reason for everyone to brace themselves.