Although you probably haven’t heard from me in awhile, let me reassure you that I have not let go of the reins of my household. I have simply been too busy to do more than passively nurse my Twitter and Tumblr accounts, as the lurkers there merely require pics and links to keep them appeased. Meanwhile, life is moving along positively and steadily.
My Pet and I finally have an arrangement that we are both pleased with. I’ve settled on the frame that neither physical pain, nor threats thereof, benefit either of us. So this is something that is saved for play and flirting. I have a fierce bark, though and it’s far worse for him than any spanking or torture I could ever hope to dish out.
I have been practicing and teaching My Pet mindfulness and that has trained him to bounce back, more quickly from my harsh admonishment. He pouts less and both of our needs are met more effectively because he is not acting out as much, either.
My Pet absolutely hates being scolded and he loathes when I turn his errors into teachable moments, particularly when he does something that he believes that I should be pleased with. Mindfulness has taught me to hold my bitter tongue and instead admonish him as if he were a wayward schoolboy. I save the fierce bark for repeat errors which are, thankfully, few and far between.
I consider myself, for now, a benevolent mistress because even though I could take my hairbrush or leather crop to him or withhold any sexual release from him, for an indefinite period, I get the best results from him by appearing cool and calm, keeping him on his toes in order to avoid being scolded at any cost.
I did not come to this revelation on my own. He confessed to me that when he was growing up that the most miserable he ever felt, as a child, was when either of his parents would set him down and lecture him. He often wished they would beat him, instead. I also noticed that he is still very often bullied by his mother and his ex-wife and he still bows to their will. So all that was necessary to get and keep him in line was to treat him the way that other women that he loved had done in the past. Playing the submissive wife got very little results, in the past, but playing the benevolent, but harsh, mistress has gotten me very good results.
There is still some training that I need to work on. He still thinks I need his validation in our relationship. I’ve admonished him about it, but I’m sure it will take a bit more forcefulness to get that stopped. Currently we are working on improving his housekeeping skills, now that he’s got the basics down, but I’ve still got a lot of work to do, in that area. At least, his cooking has shown vast improvement. He did an excellent job following my recipes this past Thanksgiving.
Of course, none of this means that I might not graduate to the whip, eventually.